We are taught sexism, racism, homophobia, and ableism casually from when we are kids. Everyone has done it on the playground and many do it through adulthood, but EVERYONE HAS BEEN LIKE THIS AT SOME POINT. There is no one who is not indoctrinated like that, if not by their parents, then by their school, town, or religion.
Word. It’s a process of unlearning. You aren’t perfect or infallible, and to pretend otherwise is foolish. You fuck up, you apologize, you learn. Accept the process.